I hope you know how loved you really are, in every moment. I hope you know that when you do something right, Heaven celebrates it. I hope you know that when you do something wrong, Jesus is waiting for you to look at Him. He doesn’t fall off of His throne; He still isn’t looking away, He still isn’t thinking about running away, He still is right there with you. Grace is awaiting you. There is no space His love won’t fill. Love sees you exactly where you are at but loves you too much to leave you there. Again, I hope you know how loved you really are in every single moment. Today I invite you to look at things that you’ve been ashamed of, things that you intentionally or unintentionally swept under the rug, and ask Jesus to come see. Show Him your mess. He is really interested in loving you and helping you clean up.
A Messy See It All Kind of Love
I was 20 years old and had just undergone one of the hardest breakups I’ve ever had. The guy I was dating didn’t love Jesus the way that I did, and I knew I couldn’t be with someone that hadn’t encountered the Man of love. All I remember doing was singing, “Give me Jesus, you can have all this world, just give me Jesus”, as I said goodbye to something meaningful to me. I sacrificed something that meant a lot to me (the relationship) because I knew loving Jesus wholeheartedly was not something I was willing to sacrifice. I know Jesus heard me. I know He picked up every single tear. I know that He held my heart and took my hand. A few weeks later, I was doing better, and I thought that was the end of that, until love came in and asked me to be messy.
“Mariana, it’s time to cry”, I heard Jesus say as I was sitting on a chair reading. Jesus knew that I still had feelings that I didn’t let go of, and they were drowning me without me knowing. As I closed my book and walked to my closet, which is where many encounters happen for me, I saw a shoulder in my mind. “Here is my shoulder; it’s for you.” He said ever so gently. I knew then that was my shoulder to cry on. That was the piece of Him I needed in that moment. I wept; I calmed down, then I sobbed, and then the tears slowed to just a few. Love met me. Love picked up my tears. Love offered me Himself, and love loved me, and I let Him.
I did not know that Jesus was this close, this invested in my situation, and this detailed in knowing what I needed. Love asked me to be messy, and therefore I was. I cried an ocean and a lake, all on shoulders that love me beyond anything I can fully comprehend. All on shoulders that understand and don’t ever diminish, on shoulders that see and know and hold everything. It was in that moment I understood that Jesus is not afraid of my messy emotions, of my angry words, and of my silence. He instead simply wants to be let in, so that He can love everything back to the way it should be.
Here is my mess. Here are my tears, here is my anger, here is my doubting, here is my judgment, and here are my wandering thoughts. Please help me see You if my sight should ever wander away from looking at You, Love itself. Here is this house that is my heart. Make it a place You live in, not just a place You visit. Thank You for being a witness to my pain, for not letting any of it go unnoticed by You. Thank You for wanting to see all of me. Thank You for wanting all of me, not just certain parts. You want the whole thing. Thank You for speaking. I am listening, and may I forever live a life that reflects Your voice, Your tone, Your insight, my sweet Jesus. You are everything, and I know I’ll find everything I could ever need in You. Amen.
“You won’t leave when what you see is still a mess. You won’t leave when fear is standing on my chest, you won’t leave when pride is swimming in my head. You won’t leave when I am falling and you are the net. You are not going anywhere.” – Amanda Lindsey Cook
“Come out of hiding you’re safe here with me, there is no need to cover what I already see. I loved you before, you knew what was love. I saw it all, still I choose the cross. You were the one that I was thinking of when I rose when the grave. I’ll be your lighthouse, just come running to me.” – Steffany Gretzinger
–Mariana Tabares – Community Manager at Galilee Life